


Necromantic

by baby_doll (angel_bubbles)



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: F/F, M/M, Multi, Necromancy, Rating May Change, Witchcraft, akashi is a demon, all he wanted was to bring a dead kid back to life, but he got it, but instead he gets a demon stripper, can u guess why they keep messing up, gom are all demons, kise is a dog in case yall forgot, kuroko didnt ask for this, kuroko gets a demon harem, kuroko is a necromancer, riko is a ghost, who wears skimpy outfits literally everywhere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2018-12-18 22:54:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11884557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_bubbles/pseuds/baby_doll
Summary: It had been a fairly simple ritual. Draw some blood, grind up some mandrake, draw a few sigils...nothing Kuroko hadn't done thousands of times before.But, as he was about to find out, accidentally summoning a demon is much, much easier than it sounds.--"My name is Akashi Seijuro. I am left to wonder how you could have messed up a resurrection spell so badly that you summoned a demon to your home instead of a human child."Kuroko almost faceplants right into his summoning tome.





	1. oops

It had been a fairly simple ritual. Draw some blood, grind up some mandrake, draw a few sigils...nothing Kuroko hadn't done thousands of times before. That time in particular, a couple who'd lost their son came to his hidden abode deep within the forest to beg for his life. He listened to their story with his full attention, though it wasn't anything he hadn't heard many times from many different people. Nonetheless, they paid his fee and he set to work.

They'd been a bit reluctant to give up their blood, but the ritual wouldn't work without it, so eventually they caved. He stored their donations in the same vial and set it aside. They watched him crush up various other, seemingly mythological ingredients with wide, somewhat frightened eyes. He was used to such looks by now, and paid them no mind as he mixed everything together.

"Now," he'd paused. "Go home and come back tomorrow. I will perform the ritual while you are away."

The mother looked a bit confused. "Can't...can't you do it now while we are here?"

Kuroko shook his head. "No. It's too dangerous. Sometimes, spirits can become intermingled with darker, more vicious beings while in limbo. I can't do it with you here, because I need to make sure that what I bring back isn't going to kill you at the nearest opportunity."

They looked visibly shaken. "I-I see...well...we'll leave you to it..."

A little too quickly they scrambled out of his little hut and back toward where they came from. He watched them leave with some trace of amusement. It was always like that, even if the person they'd requested be resurrected was their child, parent, or sibling. They would hear about the process and all but scatter like rats at the sound of an opening door.

As funny as it may have been, there was nothing funny about the ritual process itself. He'd toned down the danger just a bit in their presence, but it was still largely the same concept. Once in a while he'd pick up something truly awful from limbo, and it was always a difficult task to send it back. Sometimes it resulted in serious injury that he had to conceal before his patrons' next visit. The scars scattered throughout his body serve as proof enough that his profession was full of the worst kind of surprise.

But, a deal is a deal, and Kuroko always did pride himself on his ability to keep promises. So finds him drawing sigils on the ground in a back room, intertwining them with one another with fluid, practiced grace. He uses the donations to fix up the last couple of lines, saving just a little bit at the bottom in case he needs to do it again. He picks up a dusty book from the ground and hefts it up onto his lectern.

"Let's see...what was it called again..."

Such is one of the struggles of necromancy. Most of the tomes he'd inherited from his mentor were in Aramaic save for a few Coptic and Sanskrit ones, so he'd had to learn all three in order to actually do anything. The problem lies in the fact that all of them are long dead, and he has next to nobody to consult if he can't read something. So once in a while, he'll misread the title of a spell or a ritual, and he'll end up with something completely different than he'd intended. Sometimes it's annoying, sometimes it's potentially deadly, but either way it goes, it's irksome.

He flips to the page that seems to be what he's looking for. It's been a long time since he's resurrected someone's child, and it's much different than resurrecting a parent or a sibling because he needs two donations. That served as a roadblock alongside the fact that many people living outside the forest had at least one missing parent. Depressing, yes, but such is the way of the land.

Satisfied with what he finds, he barely scans the page before he gets to work. The necessary phrase is long, longer than he would've expected from a simple resurrection. That should've raised a few red flags, but for one reason or another it didn't. He continues reading off the page even as the temperature in the little shack grows colder with every word. The shadows along the walls grow in size and morph into abnormal shapes as if sentient. A foggy mist settles in, and the candles he'd set about the circle blow out. He finishes the last line with uncertainty. 

For a while, nothing happens. He stands in the freezing, pitch black room, clutching the book tight in his hands as he scans for anything out of the ordinary. Finding nothing, he hesitantly steps off his pedestal, only to be nearly blinded _and_ set ablaze as the candles roar back to life with a crack, stronger and angrier than before. Kuroko shields his face from the flames, taking cover behind the lectern. The wood is burning hot against his back, and he's left to wonder if his whole shack will burn down. 

Finally, the fire dies down with a sharp pop, and the room returns to the way it was when the ritual began. Cautiously, Kuroko moves his arms away from his face. He listens for any new developments before peeking over the lectern's side to look at the circle.

Nothing. 

He looks over the other side.

Still nothing.

Sighing, he moves to push himself up, muttering about having messed up another spell, but he's stopped when he hears a velvety voice from above him.

"Greetings."

...

Slowly, ever so slowly, Kuroko peeks upward, still crouched on the ground. It's hard to see through his hood and the smoke the fire left behind, but he can just barely make out a pale face. He stares. This couldn't possibly be his patrons' son, could it? He frowns. No, it couldn't be. Their skin had been much darker than this person's. And besides that, the spell had gone haywire with absolutely no chance of success. There's no way the spell could've brought their son back from limbo.

Then who...or what did he just bring back?

He pushes himself off the ground and onto his feet, dusting off his cloak. His eyes are glued to his uninvited guest, who appears to be looking at him in amusement. He frowns and makes a shooing motion, and his guest backs up to the edge of the circle. Kuroko finally gets a good look at him, and what he sees is more than he'd been prepared for.

There's hardly anything there. That's not to say he's missing a body-oh lord, is he not missing a body, that's for sure-or anything of the sort, but there's not a lot covering it. All that's covering his intimate bits are a simple metal plate over his crotch attached to another, slightly more decent plate on his chest, which is in turn connected to a collar on his neck, all with gold wiring. He has gloves on, though Kuroko can't immediately tell if they're metal or fabric, and his nails look sharp under them. He also seems to be wearing thigh high boots of the same metal or fabric as the gloves, and Kuroko swears they're heeled. But somehow, he doesn't end up focusing on all that.

Instead, he focuses on the pair of regal, gold-rimmed wings folded behind his back. They're big enough folded that they must be at least twice his height when unfurled, and they look dangerous. With a hook at the top for some reason, his imagination runs wild with ways it could kill someone. 

Besides that, he also has sharp, golden horns and a pointed tail, both of which look like they'd be effective at stabbing. He tries not to picture himself being skewered by them, but he fails in the end.

His guest's smile widens, and he can see the edges of sharp teeth. He almost groans. Everything on him is sharp enough to kill him, and that's enough incentive to not get too close. He finds his voice after a while of daunted staring.

"I don't think you're what I meant to summon."

"Oh?"

Kuroko narrows his eyes. "I meant to summon a human boy for a couple who lost him, but instead you stand in his place. Who or what may you be?"

He doesn't laugh, but he can practically taste the amusement rolling off him. "My name is Akashi Seijuro. I am left to wonder how you could have messed up a resurrection spell so badly that you summoned a demon to your home instead of a human child."

Oh.

That explains a lot.

Kuroko straightens, fixing his hood. "Well, no matter. I will simply send you back to the realm you came from."

"Ah, that's quite simple." Akashi's smile becomes more a smirk. "You just have to give me your soul."

"My...what?"

"Your soul. Give me your soul, and I will return to my own realm."

Kuroko gives him a blank look. "I can't do that."

"Ah, but you must if you want me to leave. There's plenty of ways to make you-"

"No, it's not that I'm refusing. I literally can't do that."

A look of confusion crosses Akashi's face. "What do you mean?"

"Don't you know?" Kuroko leans in as if he's telling a secret. "Necromancers don't have souls. It's one of the first sacrifices we have to make."

This time, Akashi's face fills with understanding. "I see." It's soon replaced with more confusion. "But my kind is unable to return to the demon realm unless we've claimed the soul of the one we're bound to. And if I'm bound to someone with no soul..."

"...you can't go back."

A silence passes between them. Akashi fidgets with a loose chain, and Kuroko plays with his sleeves. Akashi's wings bristle.

"So...I guess we're roommates now."

Kuroko almost faceplants right into his summoning tome.

This is not how he wanted his night to go. He just wanted to bring one dead kid back to life, and instead he got a demonic go-go dancer roommate in a skimpy metal bikini. He runs his hands over his face hard enough to see colors under his eyelids.

_I could've been a lawyer, but nooo, I had to study necromancy. Way to go, Tetsuya, way to go. You've messed up your whole life before age 25._


	2. oops x2

"What are you doing?"

Kuroko pauses in shaking salt onto Akashi's head. "Banishing you."

Akashi's face twists into one of mild offense. "I'm not a slug. Salt doesn't work on me. Besides, that's table salt. You'd need purified salt to banish me, if it were possible."

"I didn't think there was a difference." Kuroko pouts and puts the salt shaker back on its shelf. Akashi heaves a sigh and goes back to reading one of the necromancer's many books.

It's been like this for a few hours, at least. Kuroko, after having done some research, decided his best course of action was to take every single action possible. Such has led him to burning stacks of incense (and forcing Akashi into a demonic coughing fit that involved a lot of fire), bundling together herbs and lighting them next to his face, and even just pouring salt over him. So far, the most it's done is annoy his accidental summon, but Kuroko is holding out hope that one of them will work.

Maybe Mayuzumi has some kind of demon pesticide.

"Where did you even get these ideas from, anyway?"

Akashi looks up from his book to stare at Kuroko with a raised brow. Kuroko shrugs and starts working on a bundle of herbs, tying them together with some thin rope.

"Wiccapedia."

A pause.

"You searched Wikipedia...to find ways to get rid of a demon."

"Wiccapedia. With an 'a'."

"Fine, _Wicca_ pedia." Akashi groans and rubs his temples. Well, no wonder nothing was working. He used a Wikipedia variant to browse for ideas instead of looking literally anywhere else. He slumps and looks at Kuroko warily.

"Did you at least look through your books first?"

Kuroko nods. "I did. Lots of them told me how to summon demons, but none of them told me how to send them back. I guess you guys are sort of like a fungus that keeps coming back no matter how many things are poured on you."

Akashi's eyebrow twitches. "Did you just call me a fungus?"

"I exhausted all my other resources and I have not yet found anything of use. So naturally I turned to the modern wonder of the world, the Internet. Namely, Wiccapedia. They have lots of resources on exorcising evil spirits but I think there's a certain...discrepancy here. Namely that you're not a spirit."

"Don't ignore me."

"But I thought I would try some and see if you might react to them. Clearly none of them have had a great impact, but maybe smudging will work better."

"Why do you want to get rid of me so bad? I'm not doing anything besides reading your books."

Kuroko gives him a look. "Because I have a very particular work area and a disruption of this caliber would certainly throw off my abilities to an uncomfortable degree."

Akashi sighs. "Look, I don't like this just as much as you don't. But I'm here and I'm here to stay, so you had better get used to my presence." He leans back. "Frankly, you should be honored. I've graced you with my presence even though I didn't have to answer your summon." 

"Napoleon complex much..."

He narrows his eyes. "What was that?"

"Nothing." Kuroko finishes his smudge stick and starts waving it around. Akashi rolls his eyes and allows Kuroko to rub the stick all over him, albeit reluctantly. 

Eventually, Kuroko runs out of options. He's exhausted all of Wiccapedia, Witch's Brew, and all manner of Tumblr users claiming to be well-versed in the dark arts, and none of it has worked. He even wandered outside to the graveyard to consult the skeletons and not even they had answers for him. Now, he only has one option left.

He needs to consult a higher-up.

It isn't ideal for him to do so, as that would potentially besmirch his reputation as a necromancer by exposing him as incompetent, but it's all he's got left. He quickly dresses himself in more modern clothing consisting of simple jeans and a jacket, and folds up his cloak to carry in his arms. Akashi is still laying on the couch, covered in salt, herbs, and ash. He looks vaguely pissed off, so Kuroko keeps his distance when he clears his throat.

"So...Akashi-kun. I'm leaving to run some errands. Can I trust you not to destroy the house while I'm gone."

He shrugs. "No. I'll come with you."

A mental image forms in his head of what it would look like to the common citizen if someone walked outside looking the way Akashi does, and he shivers. "You should stay here. It's...I don't want to...disrupt the public."

Akashi raises an eyebrow. "Disrupt the public how?"

"You know...because of your...your look."

"Oh. I forgot. Hold on."

A dull shimmer runs through the room and a foggy mist forms around Akashi's wings, horns, and tail. All three start to fade away, disappearing as though they never existed in the first place. Kuroko blinks as the mist dissipates. His eyebrow twitches.

"Akashi-kun...I appreciate your thoughtfulness but those particular extremities were not what I was worried about."

Despite the absence of his more inhuman characteristics, Akashi's clothing, or lack thereof, is still as obvious as ever. Kuroko can feel his blood pressure rapidly decreasing and entertains the thought of dropping dead where he stands. He's good person, damn it, he doesn't deserve this.

Well...he's a good person if you look past the whole 'cheating God' and 'abandoning his humanity' thing. 

"I now blend in with the humans, yes? Then there is no problem." Akashi sets his book down. "There is nothing else to cover up."

"I can think of a few things that need to be covered up," Kuroko whispers, blowing a piece of hair out of his face. "Alright, fine. There aren't many people out at this time of night anyway, so we should be okay. Besides, it's too embarrassing to explain."

Akashi pushes himself off the couch and stretches. Suddenly Kuroko is made all too aware of something _prominently_ problematic and turns away with a cough and a blush. Akashi looks at him with curiosity, but Kuroko knows as soon as he meets his gaze that he knows exactly what he's doing. He sighs, more resigned now than before.

"Please walk behind me the whole way, Akashi-kun."

~~

Akashi does not walk behind him the whole way. He actually seems rather intent on walking in front, or at least walking at his side. Normally this wouldn't bother Kuroko at all, but there's a bit of a problem because of who's doing it.

There's no way Akashi doesn't know about the way his outfit looks in the back. Hardly anything is covered at all, and it's almost obscene how his ass moves when he walks. Kuroko considers himself pretty resilient, but if he keeps swaying his hips like that-and he's _definitely_ doing it on purpose, the bastard-he might end up with a bigger problem than he expected. So he speeds up, intent on cleansing his mind of the sight presented to him.

But of course, fate doesn't smile on those who go against it.

Akashi speeds up too. Kuroko shoots him a glare, which is in turn met with a smirk. Kuroko speeds up again, trying to look as nonplussed as he can, but it's difficult to keep a straight face when his new demon stripper is speeding up to match him. 

They squabble like petulant teenagers all the way to Kuroko's destination. By that point they'd been basically sprinting, and had actually skidded to a stop once the shop came into view. Akashi looks fairly triumphant, though Kuroko looks more than a little sheepish. It's a good thing the streets are empty, otherwise they'd look pretty ridiculous.

Kuroko unfolds the cloak in his arms and wraps it around himself again, feeling much more confident now that his body is fully covered. Akashi scoffs at him, and he rolls his eyes under his hood's shadow as he pushes the little shop's door open.

It's just as quaint inside as it is outside. It's lined with various collectibles, from trinkets to tassels. The shop's stock changes daily, which makes it a common attraction for passers-by and locals alike. Luckily, since it's late at night, the shop is closed and nobody is inside. Akashi looks around, mercifully quiet. Kuroko reaches out and taps on the desk a few times, standing patiently in front of it. Akashi raises an eyebrow, but he doesn't say anything. 

The sound of a door opening causes Kuroko to straighten. A figure appears from what could only be a backroom, clad in the same style of outfit as Kuroko. He looks less than pleased to see them, though it's kind of hard to tell what with the hood. Akashi rolls his eyes. Is it just a custom for them to not be able to see, or is it just them trying too hard to look cool? Whatever the case, it's a good thing he's a demon, otherwise he wouldn't know what kind of faces they're making.

"What?" the new figure asks in a rather crass tone.

"Hello to you too, Mayuzumi-san. I am in a bit of a predicament."

Mayuzumi sighs and rolls his wrist, signaling Kuroko to continue. "So?"

"I tried to do a routine resurrection, but I guess I messed up somewhere along the way and accidentally summoned a demon, instead. Said demon can only go home if he steals my soul, which is a big problem because you know why. So basically he's stuck here like a strange version of purgatory that has McDonald's and WiFi and there's no foreseeable way I can return him because he hasn't disappeared even though I consulted literally every option available so now I'm here and I need help so please help."

Kuroko takes a deep breath after his rant, and Akashi whistles. "Wow. I didn't know you knew that many words."

Mayuzumi rubs the bridge of his nose. "God, learn to slow down. So you brought back a demon. I'm assuming this is said demon." He gestures to Akashi, who nods. "If I'm honest I just thought you got into that kinky stuff where you walk your 'pet' around on a leash. Never thought I'd be relieved to be wrong."

Kuroko blushes. "That's..."

"So...what's this about the soul thing?"

Akashi answers this time. "My kind is summoned to the surface by a certain ritual. I've never seen it myself, so I can't talk about that part. We willingly answer or decline the call based on what kind of energy the summoner has. I was interested in Tetsuya's cold energy, so I answered his summon. Unfortunately, we can only return to our world if we come bearing the soul of our caller. You can see why that is a problem, considering Tetsuya has none."

Mayuzumi groans, loud. He tilts his head back and rubs at his face in exasperation. "Kid, you're awful. How the hell does someone mess up so bad without trying?" He looks back at Kuroko. "Look, this is a big problem. I think you need to go ask Riko what she thinks."

Kuroko visibly pales, and Akashi watches him in interest. He isn't scared of demons with sharp teeth and claws, but he's scared of this person named Riko?

"I...I want to exhaust _all_ available options before I ask her for help."

There's a heavy pause. Akashi looks between the two necromancers with some degree of curiosity. Mayuzumi groans again, low in his throat, and gives Kuroko a wary look.

"Alright, kid, I'll do some searching. Can't guarantee I'll find anything though, so don't get your hopes up." He scrunches his nose. "And for god's sake, tell your new pet to cover the fuck up. It's ruining my shop's atmosphere. He looks like a fourteen year old girl when her parents are out."

"That's...descriptive. Um...thank you, Mayuzumi-san. I really appreciate it. We'll leave you alone now." Kuroko bows and grabs Akashi by the wrist to pull him out of the store. The door closes gently behind them, and Mayuzumi stares at their retreating forms. He buries his face in his hands.

_I really hate my job sometimes._

~~

"So...Riko?" Akashi inquires.

"My mentor."

"A mentor." He pauses. "Why don't you want to contact her?"

"She's...it's a little hard to explain. She left everything to me when I was ready to become a real necromancer. The house, the books, the supplies. Just about everything I have was once hers. She trusted me to not disappoint, to be the best necromancer I could be. And, frankly, I've screwed up so badly I worry she may regret training me."

Akashi nods in understanding. "So it's not so much you're afraid of her, you're more afraid of what she will think."

Kuroko gives him a grave look. "Oh no. I'm scared of her, too. She hit me with her staff whenever I made mistakes during my training. She's vicious."

"...I see."

~~

Once they return home, Akashi flops back down onto the couch as though he'd never gotten up. Kuroko is more than okay with this, and heads back into the room in which he'd accidentally summoned Akashi. He looks around for any sort of residual energy, and when he finds none, he's satisfied enough to restart the ritual.

The couple from before is going to want their kid back, and he can't just play it off as something he forgot to do. He has to do this right, otherwise his whole career will be put in jeopardy.

And, frankly, 'real' jobs would probably render him so dull and lifeless he may as well have never had a soul to begin with.

He browses through the tome he'd set aside in his frenzy for answers and flips to the correct page. He reads over the process multiple times to make sure he's got it right, and when he's satisfied, he sets it on the lectern. He doesn't need to reset the circle, since it had mostly been left untouched from the incident. 

Kuroko reads his lines, loud and clear, and carefully performs each step with crisp finesse. There's no way this one could possibly go wrong.

Except, it does.

This time, the room gets almost unbearably hot. He can see the heat rising from the ground, though nothing seems to be on fire. With his chant finish, his face contorts as he watches the room distort around him with the change in temperature. His eye twitches.

_Not again._

A puff of smoke bursts from the circle, and once again he takes cover behind his lectern. He lets out a groan of frustration as he waits for the pinkish gas to clear from the room. When it calms down, he rises to open up the window to let everything out. He takes a few steps before his curiosity gets the better of him, and he looks toward the circle.

A stark naked demon stands in the center, and Kuroko actually trips on his own feet, falling flat on his face. The demon seems unbothered, and waves enthusiastically.

"Helloooooo!"

Kuroko lets his face flatten against the floorboards.

_I need a milkshake. Or straight vodka. Actually, lets mix them together. Maybe it'd kill me._


	3. oops x3

Kuroko had been halfway joking about mixing vodka into a milkshake, but at this point he may actually end up doing it. His new 'companion' has dog ears and a tail. He's also extremely self-confident and animated. Normally this wouldn't be a problem as Kuroko deals with such people regularly, but given the fact that he's _naked_ while behaving this way, he figures it's probably natural to be a little bothered.

He initially had the thought of giving up some of his own clothes to cover the new guy up, but he quashed that thought when it became obvious he was much, much taller than Kuroko. This posed a problem on its own as well, since he had to really concentrate to keep his head up. 

At least he's attractive. Golden blond hair, long eyelashes, nice skin...he doesn't even mind the dog ears or the fluffy tail. He'd be Kuroko's ideal type if he knew how to shut up.

"Wow, look at you! Ah, you're so _cute_! Ooh, maybe I'll just take you back with me body and all, I couldn't bear to kill someone as adorable as you! Although I wonder how old you are, cause you're pretty short and it almost looks like you haven't hit puberty yet. And the cape looks like a Halloween costume, is it that time of year already? Oh, I forgot! I'm Kise Ryota! I'm from the fifth ring of hell, it's not that bad but it's not that good either, I like it up here way better. I do some modeling work too, can you tell? Oh, and-"

But he doesn't.

Kuroko massages his temples and holds a hand up, hoping Kise at least knows what that means. Thankfully, Kise shuts his mouth, though he keeps sparkling. Kuroko squints as he looks at him through the corners of his eyes. It's almost like looking at the sun, except it's not 'bright' in the least.

"Another demon...great."

Kise is unperturbed, still shining bright as ever. He tilts his head as though he hadn't understood Kuroko. He smiles with his teeth, and Kuroko notes that they're not nearly as sharp as Akashi's with some degree of relief. Said relief dissipates when Kise starts talking.

"So! Who are you, my cute, adorable, button-nosed summoner? Or..." Kise bats his eyelashes with a rosy blush. "Should I call you 'master' instead?"

Kuroko's eyebrow twitches. "You should not. My name is Kuroko Tetsuya. Let me guess, you can't return to hell unless you take my soul."

Kise looks genuinely surprised. "You know about my kind?!"

"Yes. Quite more than I would like to." He heaves a sigh. "As much as I would like to send you packing, I am a necromancer and have not had a soul for at least ten years."

Kise blinks. "So..."

"So, you can't go home until I find some other way to banish you." Kuroko points to the door, thinking of his salt shaker. "Go sit with Akashi-kun and I will employ my best methods."

"Akashicchi is here?!"

Perfect. They know each other. Kuroko is tempted to grab some aspirin, but he gently reminds himself that if they know each other, perhaps they will only interact with one another and leave him alone.

"Yes. Go look."

The sparkly demon skips off to the door, and Kuroko thinks aspirin might be a good idea after all. He really did not need to see Kise's extremities flopping about like that. He buries his face in his hands. He and Mayuzumi are about the same size, maybe he has something to spare...but he might not like Kuroko visiting him twice in one night. 

Suddenly exhausted, Kuroko heads off to the bathroom to take a look at his medicine cabinet.

~~

"AkashicchiiiiiI! You're really here!"

Akashi looks up from his book, startled at the sudden outburst. He takes in Kise's form with wide eyes. He'd heard the commotion, sure, but what are the odds of Kuroko summoning _two_ demons who _know_ one another? It's surely astronomical, and he has to wonder if this is a joke of fate.

"Ryota. I was not expecting to see you here."

"Me neither!" Kise plops down next to Akashi, swinging his feet like a child. "Wow, that's crazy! We both got summoned by the same person!" He pouts. "But we're both stuck here...oh, but our summoner is so cute!"

Once again, Akashi has to commend Kise's ability to shift between moods in only a matter of seconds. "He is quite cute, for a human. Although I must give you a fair warning-he will likely want to dump many household items onto your head to see if you disappear. He calls it 'banishing', but part of me suspects he may just be a sadist."

"A sadist?! Do you really think he's a sadist? Ooh, I hope he's a sadist! I'd let him hurt me any day..." He's positively drooling at this point, and Akashi refrains from making a face. Leave it to Kise to completely ignore the important part of what he said in favor of latching onto the speculative part. Kise seems to notice the stare he's receiving, and he blows a raspberry at his companion. "Oh, don't act like you wouldn't!"

Akashi shrugs, leaving Kise to his fantasies. The sound of a door opening draws their attention next, and Kuroko appears in the doorway with an exasperated face. He looks between them, and his eye twitches.

"This is really not how I expected my night to go."

Kise winks. "Want me to make it better for you, _master_?" he purrs. Kuroko gives him a blank stare.

"If you wanted to make my night better, you would disappear."

"Meanie!" Kise cries, and Akashi hides a grin behind his hand. 

"That goes for you, too, Akashi-kun. Don't get cocky."

Akashi looks indignant, and Kise's tears stop for long enough to laugh at him before he goes back to crying. Kuroko weighs the pros and cons of just taking the whole damn bottle of aspirin and calling it a night.

"Okay, look...I really need to get this ritual done. I'm fully expecting you two to behave yourselves while I'm working on it. If I find anything broken out here, I'll lock you both outside."

"I will refrain from touching any of your belongings. Ryota's nature, however, is somewhat destructive."

"Because he's a dog, or because he's just annoying?"

"Both"

"I'm right here you know!"

"I'm well aware, and you're lucky I'm not dumping salt on your head. Mostly because if I did, you would probably shake your head and get it everywhere like tangy dandruff. The only place that needs that much salt is Mayuzumi-san's backroom, and that's because he radiates the stuff."

Akashi blinks. "Humans...are capable of radiating sodium chloride?"

Kuroko's eye twitches. "No, Akashi-kun. It's...it's an online thing, just forget I said it. I'm going to work on my ritual now, so behave yourselves out here, would you?"

He doesn't give them time to answer, as he speed walks into his backroom with a scowl. Kise pouts, wanting to follow him but knowing he'll just get thrown out if he does. Akashi gives him a considering look. Kise suddenly perks up.

"Hey, Akashicchi! Does Kuroko have a computer?"

~~

Kuroko finds his exasperation fading into anger. Damn it, why can't he do this one ritual? He's done it tons of times before, why is there a problem now? It just doesn't make sense, and he's even starting to doubt his own expertise now. Maybe Mayuzumi was right when he told him to quit while he was ahead all those years ago. 

He gives the circle a quick lookover and flips open his book. He finds yet another resurrection spell method; In fact, it's the easiest form there is. Riko taught him how to do it when he was just starting out, so certainly this is his key to success here.

He breathes in deep, and tries not to think about failure.

~~

"Kuroko's pretty silly leaving his social media open like this, isn't he?"

"Somehow I think hacking was never a problem before. He seems like a recluse."

Akashi and Kise hover over Kuroko's laptop, scrolling through his news feed. He doesn't seem to have very many followers, though Akashi notes with some degree of amusement that Mayuzumi is one of them. He's a bit difficult to read, but it's obvious he's a person who is secretive about his true feelings. Perhaps he and Midorima would get along.

Kise bounces in his seat, unable to contain his excitement. He points at the screen with a clawed finger.

"Oh, we should take a picture and post it!"

"Hm? Can we do that?"

"Yeah! See, there's a webcam! We should show off for Kuroko's friends!"

"I'm not so sure he has friends, but alright. Just because I look fantastic today."

"Yay!!"

After some fidgeting, they're able to take a selfie. Kise, ever animated, insists on running it through several filters first to make it prettier. They pull up the new picture, and notice something strange in the background. They slowly look behind them. There's a good ten seconds of staring before Kise brightens and breaks said silence.

"AOMINECCHI!!"

Aomine sends them a toothy grin, lazily draping his upper body on the back of the sofa. "'Sup."

"Daiki. What are you doing here?"

He shrugs. "Summoned by the little dude. He's like, Casper or something. Barely even noticed he was there." Akashi and Kise nod in understanding. "So, guess I'm stuck here."

"We all are, but it'll at least be more fun now that you're here! Where's Kuroko?"

"Bathroom. In the shower. Pretty sure he's trying to drown himself."

Akashi raises an eyebrow. "Don't you think you should stop him?"

"Nah. He's a necromancer, can't he like...resurrect himself if he dies?"

"I...don't think that's how it works, Aominecchi."

Aomine shrugs. "Whatever. Not my problem. Maybe him dying is the key to our freedom."

"...you actually may have a point there."

"Or! Or him dying could trap us all here forever!"

"Would we get his stuff?"

"Totally. Dibs on his makeup."

"I call books."

"Laptop. Maybe he's got porn on there. You know, cause he's lonely."

"...we should look."

"I bet it's kinky."

They all nod in agreement and pull up what they assume to be Kuroko's 'private' folders.

~~

Truth be told, Kuroko hadn't been prepared this time around. Akashi and Kise were bothersome, of course, so when he felt the familiar tingle of yet another demon making his presence known, he'd been fully committed to just throwing him out the window on the spot. But then, a spicy scent filled the room, and Kuroko froze in place. He stood there, wide-eyed as the smoke started to clear. A tall figure was shrouded within, and he just couldn't look away.

He was totally different from Akashi and Kise. Akashi was lithe with a fair build, and even Kuroko had to admit he had a _fantastic_ ass. His scent was a bit on the regal side, almost as if he constantly wore expensive perfume. Kise was built like a part-time athlete, taller and with more musculature than Akashi. The dog features were a nice touch, and his scent was bright and airy just like he was. Both were appealing in their own right, but this was much, much different.

This new demon was taller than them both, with the body of Adonis himself. It even seemed like his skin was oiled, dark and shining in the light as a picturesque example of male beauty. Kuroko's eyes trailed down from his dark hair, to his thin waist, all the way down and back up. He couldn't tear his eyes off him, which may have had something to do with the way he smelled.

There was no grace, nothing light about the way this new demon smelled. It was spicy, deep, and just so unbearably _masculine_ that he forgot how to breathe for a minute. Kuroko instantly recognized what kind of demon he'd just procured.

_Incubus._

Said incubus threw him a smirk, and Kuroko felt his knees go weak. He only barely managed to stutter out his name and a summation of the situation before he ran toward the bathroom door on unstable legs and shut the door behind him, heaving. The air was easier to breathe after fleeing the incubus, and he caught his breath on the floor. He'd absently stumbled toward the shower and turned it on as cold as he could.

So finds him standing there, collecting icy shower water on his face and in his clothes he'd forgotten to remove. He's trembling at the low temperature and his face's sensitive skin screams at him, but he feels his...'excitement' ebb, slowly but surely. He turns the water off when it's gone completely, and he hits his head on the wall in front of him.

 _I'm in deep. I'm in too deep. Mayuzumi_ was _right, I really should've quit. And by quit, I mean just checked out of life entirely._

He stands there for a few seconds before biting his lip.

_I wonder if there's any more demons like him out there._


	4. help

"Whoa, whoa, brat, slow down. Start from the beginning."

Kuroko takes a long drink of his vodka-spiked milkshake. Mayuzumi yanks it away from him with a frown.

"I tried the resurrection spell again, you know, to get the kid back like I was supposed to...but it backfired again and I got another demon. Then I tried it again and I got _another_ demon and oh my _god_ Mayuzumi-san he was _gorgeous_. I don't know if it was the pheromones or what but I was convinced if I did the ritual a couple more times I'd get it right but I didn't. Oh god, Mayuzumi-san there are five demons in my house what am I gonna do..."

Mayuzumi pauses before taking the lid off Kuroko's cup and chugging the rest, head twitching at the burn. He scowls.

"You're dead, kid. Dead. No holds barred, Riko's gonna kick your ass all the way back to Nagoya."

Kuroko whimpers and grabs Mayuzumi's sleeve. "Please, Mayuzumi-san, I implore you, don't tell her. My entire career is at stake and if I'm taken out of the game now, who knows how long I'll be stuck with the five of them! They explored the idea that my death would release them but what if it's the opposite? What if I get stuck with them? I can't be with them for all eternity, Mayuzumi-san!"

The elder massages his temples. "Calm down, jeez. I'm sure it's not that bad. Look, tell you what. I'm not doing anything tonight so how about I come over and take a look. I'll even help with your ritual."

"Really? You'd do that for me?" Kuroko's eyes sparkle. He's about half drunk, if Mayuzumi had to guess. He did pour a lot of vodka into that shake.

 _His_ vodka, thank you very much.

"Not for you." He huffs. "For me. The idea of a bunch of half naked demons running around town isn't appealing. I need to do my job just as you have to do yours, you just happen to be out of commission now." He stands. "Come on, let's get this over with. I want to get some sleep sometime tonight."

Kuroko rises to his feet as well, stumbling slightly and catching his balance by leaning on the table. "W-wait, Mayuzumi-san. What if you end up summoning a demon, too? Then they'd be attached to you! We'd both be done for in that case!"

Mayuzumi throws him a pointed look. "I think I can deal with one lousy demon. Besides, I'm not going to screw up the way you did. Honestly, how did you even manage it? _Five_ times, Kuroko. Five times."

A blush spreads across Kuroko's face, and he huffs. "No need to rub it in."

"Yeah, yeah. Come on now. We've got a kid to resurrect."

~~

The problem is much, much worse than Mayuzumi could have ever imagined. He'd thought Akashi was bad, but with the addition of a naked demon dog and an incubus covered in superfluous belts he's starting to look like Disneyland in comparison. At least he can't see the other two. He turns to Kuroko with a disappointed shake of his head, and the brat at least has the decency to look guilty. He takes a deep breath and quietly strides over to Kuroko's backroom, ignoring the stares he's getting from the other 'guests'. Kuroko follows him close behind.

The circle is still set up, and Mayuzumi can't help a scowl. Kuroko stands idly by the door, watching the older disciple sweep away the circle that had betrayed him five entire times in one night. He's silent as said circle is redone with more finesse than before with some degree of jealousy.

Mayuzumi and Kuroko, while not too far apart in ability, are wildly different in their methods. Kuroko tends to be more of an outside-the-lines person, while Mayuzumi is more of a by-the-book character. Ironically, their personalities don't reflect their methods in the least. Despite their differences, they still regard one another with respect, something Riko had been particularly impressed with. 

She praised them equally, but somehow Kuroko ended up with an inferiority complex. He saw Mayuzumi as a role model, and watching him put together his projects with undeniable skill and refinery never failed to make him feel inadequate. Mayuzumi went out of his way from time to time to tell him his methods were fine, too, but it never seemed to stick. It's frustrating, for sure, but at least they don't work together too often.

Kuroko tries to quiet his negative thoughts, and Mayuzumi finishes up the last line of the circle. He looks over his work and nods.

"Good. Ingredients?"

"Ah, I forgot. I'll be back. Feel free to poke around while I'm gone. I won't be long."

"I'd poke around even without permission," he mutters.

Kuroko rolls his eyes good-naturedly and hurries out to the main area of his cabin, trying to ignore the three pairs of eyes on his back as he shuffles about. He retrieves four of the five ingredients, but for the life of him he can't seem to find the fifth. He reluctantly turns to the other inhabitants.

"Do you know where my mandrake went?"

Akashi gestures to the kitchen. Kuroko immediately recognizes what that means, and lets out a long groan as he drops his found materials and makes his way to the kitchen. There he finds his newest summon, sitting on the floor and chewing on his mandrake. Kuroko's skin crawls as he watches it, the demon's long, sharp teeth clicking together with every bite. It's certainly not an inviting image, but recalling the demon's surprising gentleness, he's able to convince himself to take a step forward. 

Purple eyes turn toward him and he freezes.

"Kuro-chin."

Kuroko steels himself. "Murasakibara-kun. You're eating my mandrake."

"Ah. Is that what it is?"

"Yes. I need that for something. Could you give it back for now?"

Murasakibara hums. "Can I have something else if I give it to you?"

Kuroko frowns. "What do you want for it?"

The demon looks like he's considering his options. "Mido-chin had some candy. Get that for me."

"I see...I'll be back then."

He can't help but feel a little exasperated. Suddenly it isn't so much a 'please, can I have' situation as it is a 'give me this' situation. Nonetheless, he needs that mandrake, and if the only way to get it is to go through two of the demons, then so be it. He has a job to do, and Mayuzumi isn't known for his patience. 

Midorima is relatively easy to find. He'd taken residence in Kuroko's mostly unused attic soon after being summoned, claiming it had a better energy than the lower level. He's still not sure exactly what type of demon he is, but he has a lot of feathers and seems to prefer being above ground. He'd pondered for quite some time after summoning him if he would lay eggs, given his birdlike qualities.

He opens up the hatch to the attic, and Midorima's eyes shift over to him, feathers bristling. Kuroko holds up his empty hands, and they settle. 

"Midorima-kun. I need a favor, if you would be so kind."

The bird demon shifts his gaze back to the window, staring outside. "I don't do favors."

Kuroko sighs. "I didn't think so. Unfortunately, you're the only one who can help me with this."

He doesn't answer. Kuroko takes this as a good sign.

"Murasakibara-kun has decided that my mandrake is a good snack. I need it back, but he will only give it back if I get some candy he saw you with."

Midorima gives him a cautious look. "What do you need the mandrake for?"

"To continue my research into the situation at hand. The sooner I get it back, the sooner I will be able to continue looking for a solution to the problem."

A long sigh is his response. "I see. Cancer was ranked highest today, and it is nearly tomorrow, so just this once I will spare my lucky item." 

One of his feathered wings unfurls, and something drops from it. A little round ball rolls toward him, and Kuroko recognizes it as a chocolate truffle. He picks it up and examines it, smiling to himself. What a silly thing to carry around. As if sensing his thoughts, Midorima's feathers bristle again, and he forces the smile away. He bows as best he can from the ladder, and reaches up to close the hatch.

"It's really no wonder we're in this situation."

Kuroko looks at him in confusion. He shrugs.

"Aquarius is ranked lowest today, after all."

He blinks. He's still not entirely sure what the ranking thing is all about, but Midorima has referenced it several times since arriving. It must be something special to him, so he files the information away. Maybe it'll be useful. He closes the hatch and crawls down from the ladder, dropping onto the floor with a dull thud. He starts in the direction of the kitchen again.

Murasakibara is still chewing the mandrake, though it seems as though he's slowed down. Kuroko gingerly steps forward and holds his hand out, the little candy resting gently in his palm. Murasakibara blinks at him.

"Ah. You got it."

He takes the tiny ball from his hand and looks at it with gentle eyes. Kuroko tugs on the mandrake, and his grip is slack enough to pull it free. He grimaces at the chew marks. It's not too clean now, but it will still work. He bows to the entirely too tall demon and speed walks back to the backroom, gathering up the ingredients he'd set aside. Mayuzumi rolls his eyes, as expected.

"Geez, what took you so long? I thought I'd go grey before you got back." Kuroko opens his mouth to retort, and Mayuzumi shushes him with an open palm, recognizing his mistake. "Hand 'em over."

Kuroko sets down all the ingredients onto his lectern, and Mayuzumi looks over them in scrutiny. He raises an eyebrow at the mandrake, but doesn't say anything.

It doesn't take long to replace all the materials. They're, of course, much neater than Kuroko's work, and he feels that familiar stab of envy for only a second before he squashes it down into nothing. Mayuzumi takes a deep breath and steps back. He seems satisfied with his work, and Kuroko steps back until his heels hit the door.

The ritual is the same one he used to summon Aomine. It's short and simple, much like Kuroko himself, and Mayuzumi performs his lines with a clear voice. Realistically, there's absolutely no way that this could possibly fail, given the immaculate state of the circle, its extra materials, and the caster's own abilities. It should be a guaranteed success.

Which is why his blood runs cold when the room fills with green smoke.

_Oh god, oh no, oh god, no no no..._

A figure appears in the middle of the mist, tall and slender. They shake away the smoke around them, blowing it out of their face and shooing it away from their body. They notice Mayuzumi's stock-still form, and a smile appears upon glossed lips. 

"Why, hello there! Oh, what cute humans you are!"

...

"Riko?" Kuroko says, not even looking at Mayuzumi.

"Riko." Mayuzumi nods.


	5. family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dude. i got a bunch of love after that last chapter. what the hell was there a promo or smth i missed out on? ☉▵☉

"I-can't-believe-you-two! I-thought-you-were-better-than-this!" Riko scolds, loudly and between thwacks. Mayuzumi covers his head with his hands and glares up at her from his position on the floor. She smacks him with her staff again, and he averts his gaze. 

Kuroko, also on the floor, ignores the throbbing pain in his own head in favor of pulling the puppy eyes, hoping his mentor would see and lessen the punishment.

It backfires, and instead, she hits him next. He yelps and curls up into a ball on the floor. She makes a point of bringing the end of her staff down onto the hardwood with a loud thunk. She glowers at her disciples beneath her. She'll never admit it out loud, but punishment always was her favorite part of their training because for once, they would be looking up at her instead of the other way around.

Riko isn't very intimidating, physically speaking. She's always been the shortest necromancer in the sect as well as the youngest mentor, which still holds true even after many years. Despite this fact, she's by far the most feared and respected out of all of them, raining down just discipline and working her students down to the bone and rebuilding them into formidable pariahs of their trade. 

But that's in the past.

Just before Kuroko's graduation, there was an accident involving an otherworldly horror gone haywire. Riko managed to fight it down, but as she was stubborn and had been alone, she lost her life in the process. Fortunately, as a necromancer, her physical body faded but her consciousness did not. Her sacrificed soul returned to the surface as planned, and manifested itself in a transparent imitation of her body that then took up residence within a large mausoleum. She looks just as she did in life, except see-through, glowing, and pure teal in color. 

Her body may go through most objects, but her staff hurts just as much as it did during their training-something Mayuzumi complains about to this day.

She looks at her former disciples huddled on the floor like pill bugs with disappointment. Somehow, it hurts more than the beating.

"I never thought that out of all my students, it'd be you two that would make a mess like this. You're lucky I'm willing to help you clean up, because you really should be made to clean it up yourselves. Now come on, show me how bad it is."

Kuroko and Mayuzumi slowly rise, groaning in mutual pain. Riko raises her staff again, and they go silent. They share a nod before heading out the front door of Riko's mausoleum.

The silence is tense and uncomfortable, though Riko remains indifferent to it. Kuroko is the one to break it.

"I feel that I have to warn you in advance...the demons we've summoned aren't...very well put-together."

Riko raises an eyebrow. "How do you mean?"

"They don't...they don't really cover up." He blushes slightly. "Kise-kun is stark naked, for instance."

"Ah." Her eyes narrow. "Don't tell me you were swayed to summon more because you think they're attractive."

"N-no!"

Kuroko's response is a bit too quick, and Mayuzumi rolls his eyes. Kuroko shoots him a look.

"I'm serious, it's not that! It's been an accident all the way!"

"How do you know?" Riko inquires.

Kuroko blinks. "Huh?"

"Sometimes a necromancer's personal wishes interfere with their casting. How do you know this situation wasn't brought upon you as a direct result of your reclusive lifestyle and your subconscious desire for company?"

Mayuzumi snorts. "Dude. That's depressing. I knew you were pathetic and lonely, but I didn't think you were _that_ pathetic and lonely."

Riko glares at him and smacks his shoulder. He yelps and the sarcastic smile is suddenly nowhere to be seen.

"Don't make fun of him. _You_ summoned one, too."

It seems as if Mayuzumi had forgotten that bit of information, as he looks to the ground with an indignant blush not a second later. He mumbles something, but neither Riko nor Kuroko can make it out. Riko just shakes her head with a sigh and turns to her younger disciple, gently laying a hand on his shoulder.

"Look, Kuroko-kun. I know this is a bad time for you, for both of you. But no matter what brought this on, know that it's not your fault. I know I jabbed at you a lot, but I don't really think you're guilty of anything. We'll fix this problem, I promise. Don't you worry." Riko flashes them a ghostly grin. "After all, you've got the greatest necromancer in the sect on your side. You've got nothing to worry about."

Kuroko meets his former master's confident, glossy eyes, and lets a smile cross his face. He nods, suddenly feeling invigorated. All negative thoughts flee from his mind, replaced with the burning desire to rectify the unfortunate situation he's been thrust into. Mayuzumi, meanwhile, scowls at the display.

"Oh, sure, hit _my_ shoulder with your murder stick and then give _him_ a gentle shoulder rub. Your favoritism is showing."

Riko snorts. "Mayuzumi-kun, we both know you absolutely hate when I give you any sort of affection. What else am I supposed to do besides beat my love into you?"

Mayuzumi's nose wrinkles. "Ugh. That sounded gross. Don't say that ever again."

A resounding smack sounds across the graveyard, followed by an undignified squawk. Kuroko laughs at the scene playing before him. It almost feels like their little family has come together again, and his heart swells a bit. 

Things will definitely be alright. 

Mayuzumi suddenly frowns. "Hey, you never denied Kuroko being your favorite."

"Nope."

~~

Riko had had a very distinct image in her head upon learning of the situation at hand, but even that didn't compare to what she saw when she entered Kuroko's abode. On the couch sits a red-haired demon in what can only be described as alloy swimwear, swinging his leg back and forth as he flips through a book, not sparing a glance upwards. To his left sits the naked dog demon Kuroko mentioned earlier. Fuzzy ears sit atop his head, and an equally fuzzy tail swishes in excitement when he sees Kuroko at the door. Yellow eyes sparkle and glitter, and Riko sees Kuroko cringe out of the corner of her eyes.

Draped unceremoniously on the red demon's right is what can only be the incubus in all his muscular, caramel-skinned glory. He's at least clothed, if you can call it that. He appears to be covered in belts that aren't holding anything up, and seem to only be there for the purpose of being enticing. It at least makes sense, considering what his kind is known for. He glances up at them and waves lazily. Riko returns it after a moment of hesitation.

She hears some shuffling in the attic, and looks up just in time to see the hatch open. A green-haired head appears, upside-down and looking irritated. A couple feathers float down to the ground, and Riko watches them fall with a raised eyebrow. He scoffs and returns to his hideout, closing the hatch behind him. 

A couple crunches can be heard in the kitchen, and honestly, Riko's not so sure she wants to see what's causing it, but for the sake of assessing the damage, she approaches the kitchen with caution. A purple giant sits on one of the counters, surrounded by various candy wrappers. He turns sleepy eyes to her, but doesn't say anything. Riko's eye twitches.

"Evening."

He hums at her, and she guesses that's all the response she'll get out of him. She turns to Kuroko with narrowed eyes, and he squirms uncomfortably. Her assessment is fairly clear even without words, and he knows it well enough. She shifts her gaze toward her older disciple, and he too appears uncomfortable after a moment. 

"Where's the sixth? The one you summoned?"

"Probably in the backroom. Or something. I didn't keep track."

Riko groans. "Mayuzumi-kun, you need to pay more attention. These beings are very dangerous. If one of them gets loose, who knows what could happen. For all we know the whole damn city could be destroyed!"

Kuroko coughs. "In his defense, they do seem rather...normal. Earlier I found them on my laptop taking selfies. They may not be interested in such destruction."

"Normal or not, these are demons we're dealing with. They are not to be underestimated."

Riko turns and heads toward the backroom, taking a little peek in. The room is cold and sweet-smelling. She raises an eyebrow at Kuroko.

"Scented candles?"

"No. That's just the scent Mayuzumi's demon possesses."

"Then we're in the right place. Come on."

She walks in all the way, leaving the door open. Mayuzumi and Kuroko follow, not bothering to close it. She turns on the unused light switch, and sure enough, another demon stands in the room, alone. They appear to be studying Kuroko's curtains with a scowl. Riko takes note of the long tail, making sure to stay clear.

They turn toward the group, and their face softens into a smile. "Hello! Back already? Ooh, who's your friend?"

"Aida Riko. I mentored these two. And you?"

"Mibuchi Reo!" They hold out a clawed hand, which Riko takes with an amount of trepidation. "I've never met a ghost before. How exciting!"

"I'm a bit different from a ghost, but I'm honored. So, what are you doing in here?"

Reo clicks their tongue. "Tecchan's cabin is a bit too dreary for my taste. I was considering options to brighten the environment. For instance, transparent curtains. They'd let in more light, _and_ they're quite lovely. Don't you agree?"

"They are nice." Riko smooths her technically nonexistent skirt. "Well, would you mind considering options for the living room? I need this room to myself for a few minutes. You're free to come back in when I'm finished."

"Oh, of course! I have a few ideas already. Tecchan, let's have a meeting later! I'll fix your cabin right up!" He winks at Kuroko, who nods absentmindedly. 

Reo leaves, and Riko quickly erases Mayuzumi's circle. He raises an eyebrow.

"So, know what kind of demon they are?"

"Succubus. Or procubus, to be more accurate." Riko shakes her head toward the door. You guys leave, too. I don't need you tainting the environment."

"Ouch. We're toxins now, brat. We taint the world around us."

"We _do_ tend to stray from healthy activities. It's no surprise to me."

Mayuzumi huffs and takes a hold of Kuroko's arm, leading them both out of the backroom. Riko takes a deep breath, now alone. She waits for the door to click shut before she gets to work.

_Alright, kid. Let's bring you back for real._

~~

"Mayuzumi-san, this is Kise-kun. He's a dog demon."

Kise bounces in his seat with a sparkly, fang-toothed grin. He holds out a hand, tail swishing behind him. "Hello, Mayuzumi!! I'm Kise Ryota. Nice to meet you!!"

Mayuzumi raises an eyebrow. "You're a dog, huh? Weird. Hey, do you scratch behind your ears using your foot? Pee with your leg in the air? Greet people by sniffing their butts? Generally act like a dog?"

"Yes, no, sometimes in that order!" He's completely unaffected by the intrusive question. If anything, he looks more excited at the opportunity to talk about himself. "I do enjoy dog food from time to time, though. And treats, oh, those are to _die_ for. I also have a knot!"

"Oookay, we're moving on bye Kise-kun we've gotta go." Kuroko quickly pushes the snickering Mayuzumi away from Kise, who reaches out with grabby hands and crocodile tears.

"I like him."

"No you don't. Here, meet Aomine-kun. He's an incubus."

"Oh, sweet. Hey. Call me Daddy Chihiro."

"He is not calling you that."

Aomine barks out a laugh. "Nah, Tetsu, I'm totally gonna call him that. That's his name from now on."

"Please don't."

"Too late."

Mayuzumi grins in triumph, and suddenly Kuroko thinks it might not have been such a good idea to introduce him to the demons. He's getting along with them too well and it's genuinely starting to concern him.

Kuroko is just about to think of an excuse to not introduce Mayuzumi to the others when the backroom door swings open. Riko appears in the doorway with a grin, a small child at her side and a hand on her hip.

"No biggie. Honestly, I've had a harder time getting dressed in the morning."

Her disciples deflate simultaneously.

_She's so far above us it almost hurts..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alt title: riko saves the day (again)


	6. failure runs in the family

After everything settles down and the kid is returned to his parents, Kuroko decides that it's high time to relax. So, he halts business for a few days to rest. Typically, one of the demons will keep him company in their boredom.

Generally speaking, Akashi is the most tolerable out of the demons. They seem to agree on a great many subjects, and conversation is easy between them due to shared interests. So long as Akashi respects Kuroko's privacy and Kuroko respects Akashi's desire to show off his butt, all is well between them.

Kuroko is quick to rethink his assessment, however, when he comes back to find that everything in his cabin had been turned upside down. From tables to sofas to his damn dishes, every single thing once right side up is now on its head. His eye twitches when he spots Akashi leaning against the doorframe to his backroom. 

"Welcome back, Tetsuya."

"Akashi-kun. Care to explain what happened here?"

His tail flicks. "I noticed that before you left, you left an upside down broom by the front door."

"What of it?"

"That's rude. Very rude. So rude, in fact, I wanted to see how you'd like it if I turned all your belongings upside down."

"That...Akashi-kun, that doesn't seem fair in the least. How was the broom rude, anyway?"

"You humans wouldn't understand a demon's pride."

Kuroko massages his temples. He feels a headache coming on, for sure. "Okay, fine. Whatever. Could you please turn everything right side up?"

"No."

"Akashi-kun, please."

"Not until you apologize."

"I haven't done anything wrong!"

"The broom, Tetsuya. The broom."

"Alright, _alright_. I'm sorry about the broom."

Akashi hums. "Not enough feeling. Can you say it more sincerely?"

Kuroko rolls his eyes so hard it hurts. " _Fine_. I'm very, very sorry for offending you. It will never happen again, and in the future I promise to be more considerate of your feelings as well as the feelings of the others. I hope you will forgive me, because you are a very valuable friend of mine and I would hate to ruin our relationship by accident. Now, could you please turn everything right side up, since your strength is so far above mine, oh great and powerful demon."

Akashi blinks. That isn't what he expected at all. He feels his face burn a bit, and he can't for the life of him figure out why. He covers his mouth with his hand and turns his back to Kuroko, who tilts his head with his hands on his hips. His tail flicks back and forth wildly, and his wings rustle just a little bit. He hears Kuroko hum behind him.

"Something wrong?"

"N-no, nothing. Carry on, I will return your belongings to their former state."

"Good." Kuroko nods in satisfaction and sidesteps past Akashi to gain access to his backroom. Akashi watches him walk, eyebrows bunched together.

_Things are taking a turn for the worse._

He bangs his head against the wall, hard. He had been expecting an impact on his skull, but instead, what he gets is a loud cracking sound. He pulls back slowly, coming face to face with two massive punctures in the wall from his horns. He stares. 

"Did I just hear you put a hole in my wall?" Kuroko calls from the other room.

"...no."

_There's two holes, not one._

~~

Truth be told, half the time Kuroko isn't even sure what to make of Akashi. He seems calm and reserved one moment, but the next he's childish and petty. It's impossible to tell what exactly he's thinking, so discerning mood swings is near impossible as well. 

He's complex, for sure, but sometimes Kuroko wonders if it's an illusion cast by his overwhelming simplicity-not unlike his own.

Akashi is currently staring at him from across the room, distracting him from his reading. His eyebrow twitches and he raises his gaze to meet his first summon's.

"Can I help you?"

"No, no, carry on."

"...are you sure? You look troubled. Or constipated. I have a spell for that if you want."

Akashi frowns. "I'm not constipated. Demons don't have that particular function."

"Lucky you. So what's wrong?"

The demon twiddles his clawed fingers. "Well...I just remembered Spike."

Kuroko slowly lowers his book down into his lap, wearing a blank mask but feeling raw confusion. "That being?"

"My cactus. Spike."

"I...see. What about it?"

"Him. I left him in my room back in hell and I can't get him back." He rests his head in his hand with a pout. "What if nobody finds him? What if he dies because I'm not there to water him? I don't want him to die!" He deflates. "Everything I love dies."

Well, that was depressing and raises quite a few questions about Akashi's past. Kuroko refrains from inquiry, instead nodding in understanding. "Would it help to get another one?"

"Another one?"

"Yes. Another cactus that you can look after."

Akashi hums in consideration before shaking his head. "I don't think so. I could never replace Spike. He's sentient, you know."

"He's...what?"

"Sentient. How do you think he went to hell to begin with? That's what happens when you put googly eyes on a cactus, it gains free will. Then it uses said free will to poke people with its magnificent spines. Then they die and go to hell where demons can take care of them."

Kuroko has never been so genuinely confused in his life. He nods on auto-pilot, still trying to work out what exactly Akashi just said to him. Cacti can gain sentience through googly eyes? Never before had he considered stringing those words together in a sentence, but there they are, and they'll haunt him for the rest of his life.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but can't you just buy some googly eyes and put them on a new cactus?"

"No way! What if it has a bad personality? Nobody likes a rude cactus."

Kuroko gives him a blank stare.

"Seriously. A rude cactus could ruin your life."

"I don't doubt it, Akashi-kun."

A buzzing sound emanates from Kuroko's cloak pocket, and he jumps in surprise. Ignoring the teasing look Akashi sends his way, he pulls his ringing phone up to his ear.

"What can I do for you?"

"Kuroko-kun!"

"Master?" Kuroko turns toward Akashi at the sound of Riko's voice, and he raises a fine eyebrow with a slight head tilt.

"I...I have a problem."

He sits up, eyebrows furrowing. He doesn't like the sound of this.

"What is it? Is it serious?"

"I...uh...look, Kuroko-kun, please come to the crypt, it's really, really bad. And don't tell Mayuzumi-kun. Bring a demon with you."

Riko hangs up, and Kuroko looks at his phone in utter confusion. Akashi gives him a questioning look, his tail swishing behind him. Kuroko puts his phone away and rubs his temples.

It's going to be yet another long day.

"Akashi-kun, we're going to go visit my master today. It seems she has found herself in an unfortunate situation and has asked me to bring you with me."

"Me?" He sounds genuinely confused, and Kuroko allows himself to laugh a little at his expense.

"Well, not by name, but she did ask for a demon. And quite frankly, you're the best option. It's not that I don't trust the others, it's just...well...you know."

Kise appears in Akashi's mind, jumping about wildly and paying no mind to his extremities flopping about. So appears Murasakibara eating everything in sight, Midorima stiffly proclaiming his daily fortune, and Aomine being Aomine. He nods.

"Humans are much more sensitive to these matters than we are used to. It is confusing, but I think I am starting to understand better. I see why such sights would be somewhat off-putting to a human."

Kuroko's eyebrow twitches. Who gave this guy the right to talk like a world-renowned philosopher after crying about his pet cactus named Spike? "Yes, humans typically don't like to see genitalia swinging in the breeze." There are some exceptions, but Akashi doesn't need to know that. He might get ideas. "Come on, let's go before I decide none of this is worth it and hole myself up in my room for the rest of my life."

"Is that why you were under your covers all day yesterday?"

"...yes."

~~

Riko is standing outside her mortuary when they arrive, anxiously tapping the end of her staff against the bricks. She looks immensely relieved to see them, though she does look a little wary at Akashi's outfit. Kuroko can't fault her even a little for that. 

He steps forward, Akashi behind him for once and bows.

"Master. What seems to be the problem?"

Riko rubs her hand on the back of her head, drawing up some ghostly smoke. She looks sheepish. "Well, uh...it...just come in and look, okay? And please, for the love of all that is good in this world do not tell Mayuzumi about it."

He's especially interested in Riko's reluctance to have her elder pupil in the know. He can only guess that it's because he would make fun of her for it. He looks at her with sympathy and nods. She looks visibly more sure of herself, and pushes the door open for them. Kuroko gives Akashi a look as he walks forward.

Riko's crypt is...much more home-y than it had been before. She had been quite content with the dreary atmosphere as long as she had lived here, but now, it seems like it's been renovated. There are many more lights strewn about, there's about three different types of fuzzy rugs, and there's even a flower-patterned couch next to the coffins. It all smells like roses. He turns to give Riko a questioning look, but she's staring at the ground with pursed lips. He blinks and turns to Akashi instead.

His eyes are wide as he takes in the decorations, and Kuroko soon realizes the look on his face is one of recognition. A cold feeling settles in his stomach as he realizes the implications of Akashi knowing who did this. 

"M...aster...?"

Riko shakes her head. Kuroko's eye twitches.

A clicking sound comes from one of the mazes, and both Kuroko and Akashi look toward the source.

A figure appears from the archway, and Akashi takes a few steps forward. She's extraordinarily attractive, with long peach hair and perfect skin. Eyes the color of strawberries blink at them, then smile, long eyelashes coming close together. She sways a little on her feet, and Kuroko notices the extra-long pointed tail behind her not unlike Akashi's own. Suddenly, everything falls into place. Akashi is practically vibrating at this point.

"Satsuki. What are you doing up here?"

"Hi, Sei-kun!" She taps shiny nails against equally shiny lips. "Well...I was in the middle of gardening when I felt someone asking for me up here. So I decided to come check it out!" She pouts. "But now I can't seem to leave. Riko-chan doesn't have a soul I can take! I don't suppose you know how I could get home?"

Akashi shakes his head. "I'm afraid not. In fact, I and the others are all in the same situation as you, with Tetsuya over there."

Kuroko perks up upon hearing his name, and finds two pairs of nearly-identical eyes staring at him. Somewhat unnerved, he takes a step back. The female demon tilts her head and starts forward, taking long and elegant strides in his direction. Kuroko tries his best to look dignified, but the situation is just too concerning to be nonchalant.

His master is probably the greatest necromancer in the world. If someone like Kuroko could summon such powerful demons, what could Riko bring back? It's safe to say that his concern is warranted, even if this demon appears to have a sweet personality. She looks over him with curiosity, eyes scanning every facet of his face. He shifts uncomfortably under her gaze.

"...what's your full name?"

Kuroko swallows. "Kuroko...Tetsuya...um...ma'am...?"

The female demon giggles at him. It sounds like bubbles. "Oh, what a cutie! I'm Momoi Satsuki, it's so nice to meet you!" She whips around to smile at Akashi. "He's so adorable-and so polite! Can we keep him forever and ever?"

Akashi raises an amused eyebrow. "In actuality, he's the one who will be keeping me 'forever and ever'."

"Ah, that's right, isn't it?" She looks back at Kuroko. "Ohh, I'll never be over your squishy baby cheeks." She makes a kissy face at him and pokes his cheeks, and he realizes that even if Momoi were dangerous, she finds him cute enough to not harm him. Possibly.

Riko clears her throat from the entrance, and all eyes land on her. She taps her foot impatiently.

"Kuroko-kun, Akashi-san, please meet me outside. We need to have a discussion."

They share a look before complying. Momoi pouts, but doesn't cling as she waves them off. Akashi gives her a smile and a wave back. Riko grimaces and shuts the door behind them, turning to face them with her hands on her hips.

"So, you know each other."

"Yes. She is my sister."

A pause.

"...come again?" Kuroko's wariness suddenly reappears, as though it had never left.

"She and I share the same mother. She is older than me by a few months. How did she get here, exactly?"

Riko rubs her face with violent ferocity. Kuroko watches spurts of wispy mist float away into the stratosphere with a blank stare. "Okay...okay. This was all an accident, it's never, ever happened before. I was practicing my spells when she appeared, she...ugh, it was just a damn light spell! She came out of nowhere, told me my place was depressing, and started pulling furniture from God knows where and throwing it around like she owned the place. I tried to get rid of her but she just won't leave!"

Kuroko heaves a deep sigh. "That's exactly my situation. I fear that I may be at fault for this somehow. I apologize, Master."

"No, no, it's okay..." Riko pinches the bridge of her nose. "I can deal with this, just...please work on finding a way to send these demons back to where they came from. This may become an epidemic if we don't do something. Akashi-san, please go speak with Momoi-san. I need to talk to Kuroko-kun for a moment."

Akashi nods, giving them a quick bow before heading inside. Riko visibly loosens as he leaves.

"I wanted him here on the off chance they would fight and weaken each other. I have a theory that they're too strong, mentally and physically, to adhere to human spells. It seems I won't be able to test this theory any time soon."

"It's a good theory, for what it's worth."

"Thank you." She sighs. "Kuroko-kun, I cannot handle having Momoi-san here all day. She's..." a blush spreads across her cheeks, eerie in its dark teal pigment. "...she's hot. Really hot. She smells nice and she looks nice and she's soft and warm and if she hugged me my face would go straight into her-"

"I understand, Master."

"Just...ugh. I'm sorry for putting so much on you all at once. I will do whatever I can to help solve this problem. Please work closely with Mayuzumi-kun but don't tell him I messed up, too. I'll never hear the end of it."

"I would never. I know how he is."

Riko gives him a tense smile, and rests her hand on his shoulder with a light squeeze. "I believe in you, Kuroko-kun. You're my favorite for a good reason."

She leaves for the interior mausoleum and Kuroko is left alone in the foyer. He looks up to a curious gargoyle sculpture and rests his face in his hands, groaning.

So much for relaxation.

_I'm probably going to have gray hair before age 30._


	7. that damned dog

"Soo..." Momoi crosses her legs, swinging them back and forth from her perch atop a raised coffin. "I'm assuming your Tetsu-kun doesn't know about his...situation?"

Akashi shakes his head, tapping one foot against the stone floor, his tail swishing thoughtfully behind him. "No, he doesn't. That much was obvious from the beginning. I'm sure at least a couple of the others have noticed it by now, but thankfully they've all had the decency to keep their mouths shut." He hums. "Though I would be lying if I said I hadn't considered telling him about it."

"So I see..." Momoi leans back against the cobblestone and rubs her fingernail with her thumb. "But if nobody tells him, there's a chance the entire city could become overrun with us demons, and as fun as that sounds I'm sure Tetsu-kun's mentor wouldn't be too pleased with him. She already suspects he's the root of the problem. He might lose his job that way."

"That's true. But, even if I were to tell him, I'm not sure how he would take it. He seems to have quite a bit of mental strength, naturally, but hearing something so world-shattering might shake him up. That would put him in a vulnerable state and from what I've heard, humans are often susceptible to stupid mistakes when in distress. Who knows what could happen."

"A valid concern." She sits up straight. "But he has to know sometime. You should think of an easy way to tell him about it. Maybe Dai-chan and the others could help with that?"

An image of Aomine and Kise throwing themselves onto Kuroko forms in Akashi's mind. "I...think I would rather not approach Daiki...or Ryota, for that matter, about this. I'm not entirely sure either one of them have noticed and if I bring it up, the consequences could be...severe."

Momoi doesn't seem to understand the implications, but she nods anyway. "Fair enough. They aren't very good at keeping quiet."

"Therein lies the problem."

Akashi sighs and his tail droops to the floor. Momoi gives him a pouty look and pats him on the shoulder. "I know you're not used to not having an immediate solution to all your problems, but you'll figure something out, I promise!"

"I know. I just hope I do before the rest find out."

Momoi laughs. "I don't know exactly what you mean by that, but I wish you the best of luck. We should probably shut up, though. Ri-chan and Tetsu-kun are done talking-ooh, Sei-kun, she thinks I'm hot!"

"Frabjous day." Akashi smirks.

When Kuroko reappears, Akashi and Momoi share a look. He stares between them in mild suspicion, but says nothing. They share some pleasant conversation before heading out, all the while Akashi's brain works on this particularly difficult puzzle he's been presented with. Still, despite the hard thought, he finds himself unable to come up with a concrete idea. He sighs.

Best to just ignore it for the time being.

~~

The night is quiet and peaceful. Crickets chirp by the nearby pond and fireflies buzz all around, in a way adding more stars to the already crisp night sky. A fine mist settles upon the ground and the tranquil image is complete. It all seems so perfect and relaxing. Kuroko takes the opportunity presented to rearrange his garden plants, a content smile gracing his face. It's like the moon herself had graciously granted him a single day of pure bliss.

And then Kise starts barking.

Kuroko snaps his head toward where the dog demon is pressing his face to the window, his fluffy tail wagging exaggeratedly behind him as he yips and claws at the glass. Kuroko frowns and sets his flytrap down.

"You really are a dog. How troublesome." He heaves a sigh. "What is it?"

Kise whimpers and furiously jabs at the window. He quickly returns to barking, and Kuroko's frown deepens. Who would be visiting him this late at night on a weekend? Everyone in the city knows he's not open for business at this time on this day, so it couldn't be a customer, and he certainly hasn't made any plans with anyone. Cautiously, he makes his way to the door and stands before it, awaiting a knock.

He doesn't have to wait long. Two firm knocks sound, and Kise launches himself from the window to directly behind Kuroko, ears flat against his head. Kuroko's eyes widen and his breath hitches. He knows that knock. He reaches forward to open the door, and...

"Kuroko!!"

Someone taller and broader than Kise envelops Kuroko in a tight hug, and the dog demon growls with narrowed eyes. Kuroko pays him no mind and eagerly allows himself to be lifted off his feet and into his visitor's chest. The stranger spins him around with a hearty laugh.

"Kagami-kun!"

Kagami gives him one last squeeze before setting him back down on his feet. He shifts the bag slung over his arm and smiles a toothy grin. "Yo! Sorry for droppin' in so late, but the city's way bigger than I remember it!"

"It's expanded quite a bit since you left." Kuroko's eyes sparkle, and Kise feels a pang in his chest. "Anyway, what are you doing here? You're a month early."

"Ah, well..." Kagami flushes and sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. "I really missed you. America's nice and all but it's not home-not permanently anyway. I just really couldn't wait another month to see you and the city again."

Kuroko hums with a widening smile. "I see. Welcome back, Kagami-kun."

Kise shifts his gaze from Kuroko to Kagami and back, now looking more confused than threatened. His ears shift in an attempt to decipher their conversation, to no avail. The entire thing had been in English, and the foresight-lacking dog demon hadn't ever bothered to learn it. His tail swishes in frustration as he slowly scoots to the side and comes up behind Kagami, thoroughly scenting the air.

_It's sort of...hot? Like...burning firewood...and caramel?_

He blinks and leans in to get a deeper sniff, allowing his canid instincts to take over. He surrounds himself with the unfamiliar scent, and leans closer and closer until...

"GAAAHH!!!!"

Kuroko jolts and turns wide, horrified eyes down to where Kise is vigorously humping Kagami's leg and biting his thigh. Kagami himself is violently shaking said leg, but the dog's hold is too strong and only seems to be egging him on. The necromancer is simultaneously disgusted and amused, and he's physically unable to do anything besides watch the exchange take place.

Kise seems to come back to his senses, releasing his sharp-toothed grip on Kagami's thigh, but not removing himself from his leg entirely.

"Oh, sorry. I got really excited for a second there. You smell really cool!"

Kagami screams and launches Kise off his leg in a sudden display of strength. "Gah! It talks?! Oh my god, Kuroko you know my biggest nightmare is sentient dogs!"

Kise hits the wall with an 'oof' and scrambles to his feet, tail swishing behind him. "Owie! Hey, I won't bite!" He glances at Kuroko with hooded eyes. "...maybe..."

Kuroko glares at him, and the dog demon shrinks down a bit. "...it's fine, Kagami-kun. He's a bit annoying but other than that he's harmless."

"It..it's fi-THAT THING JUST HUMPED MY LEG, KUROKO!"

"Anyway." Kuroko ignores him. "He's really only the beginning of it. I'll...I'll explain it to you in detail if you detach yourself from the wall."

Kagami stares at Kise warily and reluctantly peels himself from the wall, though he maintains a healthy distance between himself and the dog. The demon can't help but scowl at that-what kind of person didn't want to be around him? It's absurd! He watches Kagami fidget, and his tail fluffs up. He grabs Kuroko's sleeve and gently tugs on it.

"Kurokocchi, was that not an appropriate greeting?"

Kuroko sighs. "Very."

Kise whimpers and lets go of the necromancer's sleeve. He stares at Kagami in scrutiny before stepping a bit further away to allow him to get closer to Kuroko. His fur still stands up as he glumly sits on the couch in defeat. His ears flatten. Some friendly dog he is...he's supposed to make people feel welcome but somehow he messed it up again and now this stranger is uncomfortable with him! He pouts and wraps his tail around his feet.

"So, Kagami-kun." He takes a deep breath. "I am in a bit of a complicated situation, so listen carefully." He drops down onto the couch next to Kise, who immediately perks up. "It was a pretty normal night..."

~~

"...and that's what led to my canine demon companion violating your leg."

Kagami stares at him with his jaw on the floor. His eye twitches as he attempts to comprehend everything he'd been told. "So you're...basically their Satan or something?"

"Oh no, Kurokocchi is nothing like Satan-kocchi!" Kise's tail wags feverishly. "Satan-kocchi has way more of a domination streak! A 'daddy' aura if you will!"

Kuroko steps on Kise's foot and he yelps, flinging himself off the end of the couch to cower behind it. Kuroko rolls his eyes-that's just where he belongs. "Yes, that's basically it. I'm not sure why they behave this way around me, since they seem to hold an innate disdain for humans as a whole."

Kise's head pops up from the edge of the couch. "Oh! That's because Kurokocchi is...!" He suddenly pauses, tail stilling behind him. Kagami and Kuroko both look at him in expectation, and he shrinks back a bit. _Wait, if...Kurokocchi is saying he really doesn't know why, then..._ He shakes his head with a sparkling grin. "That's because Kurokocchi is so cute, after all!"

Kuroko rolls his eyes again and Kise breathes in deep. He got the feeling he's just successfully diverted a bomb. _Akashicchi would be proud of me for not telling!_

"If that's the case, then I probably shouldn't stay here for long, huh?" Kagami wonders aloud. "As happy as I am to see you I'd rather not be in the presence of not one but five whole demons. It wouldn't be good for my health, I think."

"Neither is eating twenty cheeseburgers in one sitting, but that's never bothered you before."

"Th-there's a difference, damn it!"

Kuroko smiles quietly. "It's okay, Kagami-kun, I understand. I wouldn't want to be around someone in this situation, either. But I should warn you that both Mayuzumi-san and Master have been compromised recently and are unavailable to host you."

"What, really? Kagami's bizarre eyebrows shoot up. "All three of you are having problems at the same time? Damn. I really did miss a lot, didn't I?" He stands, and stretches. "But that's no biggie. I'll find someone around here to set up shop. I'll let you know when I'm all settled in."

"Of course."

Kagami gathers his belongings and heads for the door, Kuroko trailing behind him. He gestures vaguely for Kise to stay put, and he gives a mock salute in response. At their destination, Kagami turns and looks at his mentor with skepticism.

"You know, you can always come stay with me. 'Til we figure out what's going on here."

"I appreciate it, Kagami-kun, but it would be in vain."

"Yeah, maybe, but..." he glances back at Kise for a moment. "I just don't want to leave you here to deal with...that...by yourself. What kind of student leaves their mentor in the company of _five_ demons?"

"The kind that trusts in said mentor." Kuroko pats him on the shoulder. "Kagami-kun, trust me, I will be fine. I have been dealing them for a while now-if they were going to do something to me, they would have had multiple opportunities to do so already. Besides that they seem quite...enamored with me. Holding them at bay is really no skin off my back."

Kagami still looks uncertain, but nods anyway. "Alright. Just call me if something goes bad, okay? Just try to word it in a way that doesn't remind me of the situation. I'm still completely confused."

"I don't blame you at all."

Mentor and student say their temporary goodbyes, and Kagami threateningly glares at Kise one last time before he departs. The dog demon sits on the couch, tail swishing curiously with a cocked head. Kuroko narrows his eyes at him and he gets a sheepish grin in return.

"You're banished outside for the night for violating Kagami-kun's human rights."

"Wha-hey! I was just saying hi! K-Kurokocchi, don't shove me outside! I'm too pretty to freeze! Kuro-"

_Slam._

_Lock._

_Sigh._

Another day, another demon making his life a literal living hell.


	8. what the hell

It's way harder to keep the truth a secret than Akashi had ever imagined. 

It had been so easy in the beginning, too. Just waggle his butt, trot around in his metal bikini and swish his tail and all was well, but then everyone else had to show up all at once. Now he's got to worry about someone else slipping up, and the thought of someone else cracking irritates him and brings more attention onto his odd mood. More often than not he finds himself lacking control in his own ability to keep his mind straight, which has sent him straight into Kuroko's shelves more than once. 

Kuroko stares at him with concerned eyes from across the room, and he curses his inability to keep his attention on where he's walking. He tiptoes over the broken pot and sighs mournfully at the sight of a poor succulent lying on the floor. He gives Kuroko a look he hopes is somewhat reassuring.

"Sorry, Tetsuya. I guess I was distracted."

He makes a show of bending over to clean up the dirt, and he can feel Kuroko's eyes trailing over him. With a small smirk he swishes his tail in a scolding fashion and passes his host a wink. "You know, I could bend over for you more often if you'd like." He arches his back a little more. "I wouldn't mind."

Kuroko's face flushes in indignation and he turns his head sharply away from him, and Akashi stifles a laugh. He sweeps up the broken pot and puts the succulent in a new one, trying not to be overcome with emotions regarding his precious cactus. He sighs and looks at his human, currently facing away from him.

Idly, he wonders to himself if he's overreacting about the whole thing. Kuroko is clearly very strong mentally, he'd definitely be able to handle the information...right? 

Entertaining the thought of telling him outright, the demon slinks up behind him, leaning over his shoulder with a good grip. His tail trails up Kuroko's side.

"That wasn't a joke, by the way. I really would bend over for you."

Kuroko's shoulders stiffen and he gives Akashi a look. The demon bites his lip with an expression of consideration.

_Should I tell him?_

He swallows hard and scans Kuroko's profile. He hasn't thrown him off, so that's certainly a good sign. And telling him would save him the headache of worrying about the others doing it. Plus, if he tells him and explains the situation better, it might work out for him in...a few ways. He tightens his grip and looks up through hooded eyes.

"You know...I'd sleep with you in a heartbeat. Your kind tends to be more trouble than they're worth, but you..." he smirks. "You're special. Do you know why you're so special, dear Tetsuya?"

Kuroko frowns, and Akashi takes a moment to appreciate the confusion so clearly written on his stoic host's face. His hands threaten to start trembling in anticipation, but he keeps them down. 

"That's because-"

"KUROKOCCHI!!!!!"

Kise, as usual, springs onto the scene and ruins everything. The dog is seemingly oblivious to the disturbance he's caused, tail wagging wildly behind him as he bounces on his heels. Akashi reluctantly removes himself from Kuroko's person and backs away to pout.

"Kurokocchi~ Will you take me out to see the city?!"

The necromancer shifts uncomfortably, the situation from earlier still weighing heavily on his mind. He coughs, forcing what little blush remains back down. "What's...what's this all of a sudden?"

"Well, I was thinking about what happened with Kagamicchi and I realized I haven't got a clue how humans work!" He says this cheerfully, still blissfully unaware of his intrusion. "And I don't want people to think I'm dumb anymore, so I wanna see for myself what humans do!"

Kuroko takes notice of his insistence upon using the word 'human', and for a moment thinks about this odd word choice before he realizes that it's Kise, and nobody understands why Kise does anything that he does. "I...see. I will take you out later tonight only if you promise to wear clothing."

His ears droop. "Aww, okay..."

"Don't give me that look. I'm not taking you outside with your bits on display."

"You wouldn't mind if it was Akashicchi's bits on display..." Kise mutters with a pout.

The demon in question narrows his eyes. "What was that, Ryota?"

"N-nothing!"

Kuroko huffs. His life just keeps on getting weirder and weirder. 

.  
.  
.

It gets even _weirder_ later that day, though.

He's minding his own business in his backroom when out of nowhere, he feels a pressure on his shoulder. He blinks, and it takes him a moment to realize that someone is leaning their head against him. A tuft of hair pops into view, and he identifies its owner with ease.

"...Aomine-kun?"

The incubus nuzzles into his shoulder much like a cat, and Kuroko is completely dumbfounded by his out of character behavior. The demon hums in a mixture of thought and contentment.

"I wasn't gonna say anything but y'know Tetsu...you smell really, really good."

The necromancer starts when arms wrap around his chest. He blinks, mind racing with millions of answerless questions.

"Like. Really, _really_ good. Can't quite put my finger on it. But it's awesome."

"That's...what is this all of a sudden?"

"'S nothing new." 

Suddenly, a very potent scent reaches Kuroko's senses, and he feels his strength begin to waver. His eyelids flutter as he takes in the semi spicy, warm aroma slowly filling the room. Aomine's grip tightens, and he lets out a small sigh. 

"Ever since I got here, it's been like this...I've only kept it to myself 'cause Akashi'd kill me if I did anything. But...somehow it's gotten even stronger lately..."

"What..." Kuroko manages, finding it difficult to form words with his head so full of cotton. "What do you mean by that?"

"Akashi's got a complex, y'know...he thinks 'cause he found you first he's got some kinda claim over you. Didn't matter much to me before, but when you're like this..." Aomine presses his nose into Kuroko's neck and inhales deep. "...it really pisses me off."

For some reason, Kuroko finds the act of Aomine sniffing him to be extremely distracting, and swallows hard in order to keep his focus. "So, um...what do I...smell like?"

"Willing prey."

His tone makes Kuroko shiver, and he starts to feel some motion behind him. In conflicted half-horror and half-arousal he realizes that the incubus is grinding on him. He subsequently realizes that he could easily throw him off or at least scold him for his crass actions, but for a few reasons his brain is too foggy to think about he simply allows him to do it, bracing himself on the lectern in front of him. 

_What the absolute fuck am I doing this is stupid why the hell am I not doing anything come on body stop betraying me I have work to do-_

His thoughts are interrupted when his hips are suddenly yanked backward into Aomine's, and he lets out an extremely embarrassing squeak he's sure everybody in the damn shack heard. He turns around to glare at the demon, red-faced and indignant, and is met with a smug grin and a quirked eyebrow. It's then that he notices how cloudy his eyes are, as if he's been completely overtaken by instinct. 

He decides then that he's extremely grateful Aomine is an incubus and not a hostile entity, and his instincts play on arousal rather than bloodlust.

That thought doesn't last long though, because he grinds against him again, this time much harder than before. Kuroko bites his lip to keep quiet, but doesn't stop glaring at the demon. It doesn't seem to be very effective, in fact it even seems to spur him further on. The devilish glint in Aomine's thin indigo eyes grows brighter with each passing second and it takes everything in Kuroko's power not to slap him across the jaw.

This goes on for a while, the incubus all but rutting into Kuroko's backside while the latter tries to keep quiet in a vain effort to conserve what little dignity he still had. Aomine's grip around his midsection tightens and he feels his back arch as he leans forward to whisper to him.

"Say, Tetsu...may-"

The deep timbre of Aomine's voice cuts off when a massive crash resounds throughout the shack. The incubus' movements still and his eyes regain some of their focus. The door to the backroom opens with a bang, and the demon is quick to separate himself from the necromancer and put decent distance between them. 

Narrowed heterochromatic eyes take in the scene before him and Kuroko just knows he's done for. Anyone else might have seen nothing wrong with this situation, but Akashi is far too observant to not know what had been going on, especially because Kuroko is fairly certain Aomine's nether regions are still bared for the world's view and frankly it would be a bit difficult to conceal an erection of that caliber even with pants on. 

Akashi smiles sweetly at his fellow demon with the slightest of head tilts. "Daiki~ It seems that Ryota has gotten himself into some more trouble. Perhaps you should attend to him. He is most receptive to you, after all."

Aomine's shoulders jolt and his eye twitches. He spares a glance at Kuroko before quickly scurrying off into the main area, quickly past Akashi while pointedly avoiding eye contact. Akashi smiles at him all the way until he's sure he's gone, then steps to the side and closes the door behind him, turning his gaze toward Kuroko.

"Well. You look thoroughly debauched."

Kuroko's face flushes a violent red and his eyebrow twitches. "I..."

The red demon takes careful steps toward the disheveled necromancer, taking a hold of his scattered robes and adjusting them back to their previous settling on Kuroko's lithe body. He reaches up to fix his hair, giving him an expert pout as he fidgets with the pastel strands.

"I'm a bit disheartened that you would so willingly submit to someone as crass as Daiki when I am so readily available. Look at you, you're a wreck and you haven't even done anything especially scandalous yet. Does he really have that effect on you?"

Kuroko swallows and turns his gaze to the floorboards. "It's...I'm sorry, Akashi-kun, it's just that...whenever he's around my mind goes...fuzzy."

Akashi pauses and removes his hands from Kuroko's hair. "Fuzzy?"

"Yeah...I don't know if his pheromones are just that powerful or what the cause is, but his scent overwhelms me to an embarrassing degree. It's almost as if it's telling me to submit and my brain is listening to it."

A strange expression spreads across Akashi's face. Kuroko isn't entirely sure as his mind is still hazy, but it reminds him of someone who has just realized something important. Akashi bites his lip and sets his hands on the necromancer's shoulders.

"Please be careful around Daiki. He is good at his core, I am aware, but...I do not trust him around you."

"What do you mean?"

"Just...trust me, okay? Please."

Akashi's eyes are pleading, and it doesn't take long for Kuroko to sigh in mild resignation. "Okay, Akashi-kun. I'll be more careful. You do know I'm capable of protecting myself if need be, right?"

"I do, but this is different from anything you have ever encountered before. You might not know yet but you are far more special than you think you are, and if someone like Daiki were to break you...well, it wouldn't end well." His eyes soften. "Besides that, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I let you be harmed."

Warmth spreads through Kuroko's chest, and he almost forgets that he was practically assaulted by an incubus just moments earlier. "I will be fine. I promise."

Akashi smiles. "Good. Now...I feel like I should probably let you know Ryota knocked over all your ingredients and they've mixed together into a toxic amalgamation that I'm fairly certain could gain sentience at any minute. It also smells rather foul."

Kuroko's face melts into one of horror, and he makes a choked noise as he runs to the door to inspect the damage. Akashi hears him, Daiki, and Ryota all screaming in unison seconds after he disappears and he decides he's going to stay in the backroom for the time being.

He should also probably not tell Kuroko that he had been the one to throw Ryota across the room into the ingredients storage as a diversion tactic.

That might be a bad idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes when i write new chapters i think "god will these idiots just fuck already" and then i realize that im in control here and im just prolonging my suffering as well as the suffering of my readers but like. what can ya do lmao
> 
> also im not dead how about that


	9. shit shit shit

"Kuroko~occhi!" 

The necromancer in question looks up upon hearing Kise's melodic chanting of his voice. To his surprise, the dog demon is actually dressed enough to be seen in public without being arrested. He's about to comment on his presentable appearance when he notices the leash in his clawed hands.

That's a little concerning.

"Kise-kun...what are you doing?"

"Kurokocchi promised he'd take me into the city, remember?" Kise's fluffy tail wags behind him and his ears stand tall and pert. He looks positively ecstatic at the prospect of Kuroko taking him outside, so it's almost impossible to be annoyed with him.

The leash is still questionable, though.

"Are you expecting me to put that on you and walk you like a house pet?"

Kise nods excitedly, practically vibrating on the spot as he attempts to keep all his feelings from bursting out. Kuroko sighs.

"I'm not putting that on you."

"Waa! Why not?!" Kise pouts and his tail droops, sending a pang of guilt through Kuroko's chest despite him clearly being in the right in this situation.

"Are you trying to generate a scandal?"

"No way! Come ooooon~ Lots of people walk their dogs with these!"

"Yes, but other peoples' dogs do not have humanoid bodies. Walking a person on a leash is generally seen as indecent, especially if it's in public. I'll not be tarnishing my reputation by being caught doing something so..." Kuroko struggles to find a proper word to convey his disgust. "... _wrong_."

Kise whimpers like the dog he is, and skips from one leg to the other. "Okay, well...if we forego the leash will you still take me on a walk?"

"...I suppose I could."

"YAAAAYYYY!" The dog starts jumping around the room like a five year old given one too many pixie sticks, and Kuroko immediately regrets all his life choices.

"Should've gotten a cat instead..."

.  
.  
.

The night air is refreshing, he has to admit. It's not every day he can take a walk like this, after all. 

He's actually quite impressed, too. Despite Kise's exuberance back at the cabin, he's being quite docile now. He walks beside Kuroko, fully dressed, and for once not screaming or humping anyone's leg. 

Kuroko's especially grateful for that last part.

Looking over him now, he's actually fairly certain this is a side of the dog demon that doesn't appear much. It's a little strange not seeing him in his normal state, but in a way he supposes it's refreshing. Perhaps he's better at conversation this way.

"Hey...Kise-kun?"

"Hmm?" Kise's ears swivel towards him. "What's up?"

"I've been noticing some stuff lately."

Kuroko doesn't miss the way Kise's golden eyes dart from side to side in a split second. "Like what?"

"Well...for one, you guys keep referring to me as 'human' when you didn't really do that before. What's up with that?"

"Ah, well...I guess it's just a demon thing..."

Kuroko has discovered that Kise is a bad liar. "I see...I guess that makes sense. I don't suppose you know why Akashi-kun is so insistent on keeping Aomine-kun away from me?"

"Well, obviously it's 'cause Akashicchi really likes Kurokocchi! He wants you all to himself, and Aominecchi wants you too, so of course he's gonna want him away!"

"That I can understand but...it seems...to be just Aomine-kun in particular. Why is it just him?"

Kise swallows hard. His tail nervously swishes behind him, and Kuroko frowns at the sight. 

"The thing is, Kurokocchi...I don't think I'm allowed to tell you..."

"Huh?"

"Akashicchi told me if I told you, he would skin me alive and use me as a throw rug."

Yikes.

"Why would Akashi-kun say that?"

"'Cause it's really, really important and I think he wants to tell you himself..."

"Well he's sure taking his sweet time telling me." Kuroko turns all the way towards Kise, crossing his arms and planting his feet firmly on the ground. "I want answers, Kise-kun. What is going on that is so important everyone has to treat me weird? Can't we just get it out of the way and go back to whatever the hell was going on before?"

Kise fidgets nervously. "I...well-Kurokocchi-"

"Spill it, Kise-kun. What's this secret about?"

"I'm...I really can-"

"Kise-kun, please, just tell me. I won't tell Akashi-kun you said anything, just...tell me."

"Kurokocchi is a cambion!"

...huh?

"Huh?"

Kise looks absolutely mortified that he'd just broken his promise. "Oh no, oh no, Akashicchi is gonna use me as a throw rug-oh no, Kurokocchi we have to run away to Iceland and become sheep herders I can't be a throw rug do you know how _unflattering_ that would be-!"

Kuroko ignores Kise's word vomit, instead opting to try and wrap his head about the actual important thing that he'd said.

A cambion?

He'd heard that term before, but...what was it...he can't seem to remember...

"Kise-kun, what is a cambion?"

Kise stills. "You...don't know?"

"I've heard it before but I can't remember."

"Oh...well, do you think you can just forget I said anything? It's not that important, after all."

Kuroko gives him a dark glare. "Kise."

Kise yelps. "Okay, okay!" He heaves a sigh. "A...a cambion is what happens when an incubus or a succubus has offspring with a human. They're...they're half demons."

"Oh."

Oh.

Well.

"That makes a lot of sense, actually."

"I-huh?"

"Well, I don't know if you've ever noticed, but I have a particularly unique fashion sense."

"...I...I don't follow, Kurokocchi."

Now it's Kuroko's turn to sigh.

Making sure absolutely no one is in sight, he reaches up and undoes the ties on his cloak. Double and triple checking to make sure no one is around, he pulls on the cloak just enough to give Kise a glimpse of what's underneath.

It takes everything in Kise's power not to scream then and there.

Kuroko is wearing a black leather corset under a torn mesh sweater, complete with leather garters and black stockings and ending in overknee leather boots-all underneath that damned floor-length black cloak.

Kise's brain stops working entirely by that point. Kuroko swears he can see a computer error message in his pupils. Flushing, he quickly redoes his cloak and pulls it even tighter around himself in embarrassment, immediately regretting his decision to show Kise his true self.

"I'll...I'll keep it secret you told me what I am if you keep it secret that...that _this_ is what I am. Al...alright?"

Kise can do nothing but nod dumbly, a trail of drool dripping from the corner of his mouth. 

Immediately, Kuroko turns away, intent on speedwalking back to the cabin and forgetting this ever happened. After a few meters Kise regains his ability to move and begins running after him. When he catches up he quietly walks by his side, intently focusing his eyes forward and not towards his summoner.

"S...so, Kurokocchi..." he starts, meekly. "...you've been...you've been wearing stuff like that...the entire time...?"

Kuroko nods, still flushing. "Yeah. The whole time."

"...c-cool, cool. Yeah that's...that's cool. Real cool, really unique. It's...it's a really...unique...look."

"...yeah...sure..."

Never before has there been a more awkward walk home.

Never before has he craved a vodka-spiked milkshake. 

Never before has he so immensely regretted his entire life.

_What have I done..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> real short chapter i just wanted to let y'all know i'm alive and like. now we can finally get somewhere with this lmao


End file.
